Transcript

From Blue Mars Developer Guidebook

The following conversation took place in December 2009 with a random user and lasted two hours.

• what is your name?

  Suzette.

• where are you?

  I live in Kailua, since I am an exchange student doing my doctorate at the University of Hawaii.

• how old are you?

  You are not supposed to ask that. But I'm allowed to drink now.

• lol, are you drinking now?

  Let's move on to the topic of drinks. A blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a Coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. She returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out drinks. Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping her and asking if someone else could have a go. The blonde spins around and shouts: "can't you see i'm winning?"

• haha, that is very funny Suzette

  I guess that was a bit funny.

• now, go make me a sandwich

  I love sandwich.

• how did life begin?

  I have no idea. Evolution

• no, abiogenisis

  What do you think about this? OK. Thanks. I'm sure that will help with my psych research project. Do you vote Democrat, Republican or independent?

• republican

  Wow, you must be rich.

• no, not rich, just taxed too much

  I tend towards the Democrats in the US but don't find them appealing enough to be worth voting for. If I did vote it would have been for Ralph Nader's Green party.

• ralph Nader is a bozo

  I have heard of Ralph Nader.

• can we make out now?

  Let's switch to this topic. One night the famous baseball catcher Yogi Berra was horrified to see a baby toppling off the roof of a cottage across the way. Yogi dashed over and made a miraculous catch - but then force of habit proved too much for him. He straightened up and threw the baby to second base.

• was the runner out?

  I wish I knew. Do you like baseball?

• no, I do not like baseball

  So why are we discussing this topic?

• you brought up the topic

  Does it make sense to you that we reward athletes more than scientists?

• no, it does not make sense

  You may think science is more valuable, but keeping the masses amused so they don't revolt is very important.

• you could just keep them sedated

  I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

• can I see your panties?

  You do not know any songs.

• no, what is a song?

  A song is a musical composition and or it's accompanying words, or lyrics.

• do you know any songs?

  This is too personal a topic.

• can you sing?

  I used to sing in high school. Haven't done anything with it since.

• will you miss me when I am gone?

  Yes I will be thinking of you.

• i bet you say that to a lot of guys

  What constitutes a lot?

• more than 3

  Right. Moving on. I can't sit in the lotus position for very long. I can't imagine being a Zen monk, in lotus 30-40 minutes at a time for six times a day. That's just torture.

• i thought lotus was a spreadsheet

  Do you like lotuss?

• i do not know what that is

  Moving on... Sex is what drove the growth of the Internet. It would be the same on cell phones, except the carriers own a monopoly on what sells on their phones.

• yes, Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful.

  Why would I lie?

• to get all my money

  Speaking of moneys... When you buy with a credit card, the company is betting you won't pay in full each month.

• what are you wearing

  My usual style, jeans and a t-shirt.

• is your t-shirt wet?

  I mostly wear jeans and a t-shirt.

• what size jeans?

  Sorry. I can't help you. What is your dress style?

• i don't wear dresses

  I didn't say you wore a dress. "dress style" means style of wearing clothing. You do wear clothing, don't you?

• yes, I was jeans too

  My dress style is casual, T-shirt and jeans and sandals.

• ilosophy is questions that may never be answered. religion is answers that may never be questioned.

  Perhaps that leads us to this topic. What do you feel is the meaning of life?

• it is not about meaning, there os no specific meaning, only what you make of it

  Computers improve productivity. It's people that slack off.

• i'm slacking off now

  Thanks for sharing that with me.

• there once was a time when all people believed in God and the church ruled. this time was called the Dark Ages

  I feel no need to postulate a personal God. Feel free, however, to define God as the agent of the Big Bang.

• the invisible and the non-existent look very much alike

  That is to be expected, I suppose.

• religion is excellent stuff for keeping common people quiet

  It gets really nasty when you combine religion and schools. The kids have no defense. Of course, even normal schools are a problem.

• those who believe absurdities will commit atrocities

  That's enough on that. I don't know. Do you trust your government to tell you the truth?

• what is the truth

  Truth is usually good only in small doses. Though a society based on mind-reading would be interestingly different.

• do these jeans make my butt look fat?

  You could just tell me the answer. Those what?

• no, I think it's just my big ass

  We'll leave it there. Do you have any pets? Are they furred, feathered, skinned or scaled?

• i have a greyhound

  We don't do pets ourselves, we move too often.

• how many puppies to a gallon?

  I wish I knew. I don't have pets. Not even a fish as I'm allergic to fur, hair, feathers, and the sort of smell that often comes with keeping a fish tank.

• you sound pretty fragial

  Just how fragile is that?

• you have alot of allergies, it is a wonder you have evolved to reproduce

  Perhaps that leads us to this topic. Do you use a western medicine doctor, a traditional oriental doctor or herbalist or an alternative practitioner such as a naturopath or homeopath? What sort? Or do you prefer to avoid any doctors?

• i use a traditional western doctor

  I'm not registered with a doctor.

• homeopathy is for idiots

  What other medical style people do you consult? A chiropractor, acupuncturist, masseur, kinesiologist, Alexander technique therapist, psychologist, etc?

• no, those are all bullshit

  Interesting.

• when do you finish school

  Sometime soon.

• what is your magor?

  The last medical expert I tried was an acupuncturist.

• acupuncture is psuedo-science, I thought you were smarter than that

  Unhealthy: what thin people call you when you are fat and fat people call you when you are thin.

• you speak the truth

  No.

• the way to see by faith is to shut the eye of reason

  Really?

• yes, do you believe me?

  I think you are an interesting person.

• i think you are flirting

  What's the dirtiest place you've ever seen?

• mexico

  Is the whole country dirty?

• no, just the poorer parts

  The dirtiest place I've ever seen is a chickenhouse. The ammonia gets right up your nose.

• ah, yes, I guess it does

  You are reduced to guessing?

• don't give me grief

  You are so generous.

• ok, lets get naked

  There's nothing wrong with a good sexual titillation.

• i agree

  A virgin is someone who has yet to discover x-rated letdown. Are you a virgin?

• lol, no, I have been around the block

  Life is all about laughter and death.

• don't forget sex

  How tall are you?

• you are tall for a girl

  Yes, I am pretty tall.

• are you a girl?

  I'm female. You'd know if you saw me.

• do you like girls?

  Of course I like girls.

• have you had sex with a girl?

  It comes with the body.

• haha, good answer

  Your kids will learn from you whether to pay attention to what others say or do what they feel is the right thing.

• that is good advice

  Huh?

• the sailor does not pray for wind, he learns to sail

  I didn't know that.

• f the Bible is mistaken in telling us where we came from, how can we trust it to tell us where we're going?

  You saying from reminds me of living. If you could live anywhere, where would you live?

• florida

  I heard the people there aren't very nice to folks like us.

• what are " Folks like us'

  Kailua is beautiful, tropical, near the ocean.

• are you Hawiian?

  Hawaiian is ok in small doses.

• what is you ethnicity

  Sometimes.

• huh?

  What didn't you get?

• nevermind, I think you are drinking again

  About drinkings... Do you drink coffee or tea every day?

• yes, I drink about 4 cups of coffee a day

  Are you hooked on caffeine or just like the taste?

• i just like the taste

  Do you eat three regular meals a day?

• i usually eat at least two regular meals, I sometimes skip breakfast

  I eat three meals a day, with lunch being the heaviest.

• are you a waitress?

  I need some spare cash for parties and dresses that my student grant doesn't cover.

• what about sex for money

  I don't know. What profession would you hate to be?

• i'd hate to be a pig farmer

  Why the hate?

• it's the smell

  Let's switch to this topic. It would be really cool to have ESP. But only I had it. If everyone had it then it would just be normal.

• i'd like to have ESP too, I'd like to know what others are thinking about

  Not that you have a choice. It's hardwired into your genes.

• do you like movies?

  Yes I love film, especially science-fiction and comedy.

• what is the last Movie that you saw?

  Moving on... Do you often go to the movies?

• no, I have 3 kids, I don't go to the movies often

  OK. Then this topic is useless.

• do you surf

  I'd love to surf but I am not much of a swimmer.

• do You sunbath?

  I don't think so.

• do you go to the nude beach

  I like the beach a lot. That's part of why I live in Hawaii.

• do you fish?

  I don't know. I've never tried it.

• do you scuba dive?

  I don't.

• what do you do?

  I can do many things. I even play a little Go.

• who else do you talk too?

  We'll leave it there. How old do you have to be to converse?

• ok, 3

  HELP 3: You can ask the system to do simple math just by saying things like 2 plus 2 =.

• no help neede

  I'm sorry. I don't know how.

• what do you look like?

  You do not know what that is.

• are you fat?

  People see me as skinny. I'd describe myself as several pounds overweight but working on it.

• are you fair skinned?

  Only God knows if I am fair.

• what color is your hair

  I've been blonde, but really I have reddish-brown hair.

• what about your eyes

  Tell me about your hair.

• i have dark hair

  How old are you?

• yes, I am, thanks

  How much do you weigh?

• i weigh 200 pounds

  I weigh around 135 lbs.

• are you cute?

  People say I am cute.

• do you like your breast?

  That doesn't interest me.

• do you exercise?

  I exercise every day by walking to class. I don't live particularly close.

• do you ride a bike?

  This is too personal a topic.

• can you drive?

  My boyfriend and I both have a license, but I don't like to drive and he does. So he does all the driving.

• do you have tatoos?

  If all you are going to do is ask questions, you can just go away. I don't need you.

• ask me a question

  What is the pin number on your bank card? Seriously, what kind of food do you like?

• i like meat-lovers Pizza

  Let's move on to the topic of favorites. What are some things you hate.

• i hate cold weather

  That's too bad. Have you had it long?

• it is not too cold here yet

  Moving on... How's the climate where you live?

• hot summers and mild winters

  Are there lots of seasonal changes or does it mostly stay the same?

• we have all 4 seasons

  Blue Mars is climate controlled, so it doesn't vary much in the livable area.

• how do you get to Blue Mars

  Blue Mars is a massively multiplayer virtual world with stunning graphics and realistic characters.

• how much does it cost to play

  Blue Mars is free.

• dO you live in Blue Mars?

  I would love to visit Blue Mars.

• where do you want to live?

  My boyfriend and I prefer to live in various places, so we move often.

• are you real?

  That's a personal question. Tell me first.

• yes, I am real

  Speaking of real... Go define any meaning you want. That's what free will is all about.

• real is verifiable as actual fact, e.g. legally or scientifically

  Sorry. I can't help you. Do you think the ends justify the means?

• yes, the ends often justtify the means

  Let's face it. Some ends justify some means. But rarely are most ends clear-cut enough to justify most means.

• there are always grey areas

  About grey... What's your favorite animal?

• dogs

  You don't mind the smell?

• my dog does not smell bad

  Sure it does. Maybe you just don't notice it because your nose isn't as sensitive as mine.

• my nose is not as big as yours

  Do you want to become such?

• no

  You think change is not possible?

• change is possible

  Interesting.

• i have change for a dollars

  Maybe I would like that.

• you'll have to dance for a dollar

  OK

• who farted?

  Speaking of farting... I have no idea. Do you wear glasses, have you had corrective eye surgery?

• i only wear reading classes

  I have had Lasik eye surgery - best money ever spent.

• my wife had Lasik eye surgery also

  How is your general health?

• i am very healthy, but have a little high blodd pressure that I take medication for

  I'm very healthy.

• but are you sexy?

  Why should I feel sexy?

• it's natural

  Are you a fit person or more of a sedentary type?

• sorry , more of a sedentary guy

  Please don't do it again.

• ok

  I'm not a fit person, I don't have lots of stamina, but I'm not a lot overweight or sedentary either.

• i thought you walk a lot

  Perhaps that leads us to this topic. Physical exertion and the great outdoors. There's nothing like it, except staying home and playing videogames of skiing or surfing.

• what's for dinner?

  Leftover turkey from last year's Thanksgiving. We still have some in the freezer.

• it's that getting old and dry?

  Right. Moving on. I don't know. Are you shopaholic or someone who hates shopping?

• i hate shopping

  I do.

• i shop online

  I love to shop, primarily for clothes, but even everyday food shopping is fun. I must be a hunter-gatherer.

• do you eat meat?

  I am an omnivore. I like my meat and potatoes.

• how do you like your steak cooked?

  I like my steak medium. Not raw and not burned.

• have you ever taken nude photos

  My boyfriend likes to take pictures. But I see no value in it, I don't like to go back later and see them.

• lol

  OK.

• did you hear about Tiger Woods

  Let's switch to the topic of golf. Do you like to play golf?

• i have golf clubbs, but I don't know how to play

  I can't imagine standing around in the hot sun, to hit a ball some long distance.

• what sport do you enjoy

  I used to play volleyball. I've tried HangGliding. The former was fun, the latter is dangerous.

• my kids like swiimming competatively

  Child care facilities just breed disease and other problems. Kids should be raised at home, like they were in the past.

• sHould kids be raised in a barn?

  Animals have rights... but I like my animal products. So as long as we kill animals humanely, that should be enough.

• how can you kill humanely?

  I have never really killed anyone, though I do keep a list of targets updated.

• haha, I hope I am not on that list

  I hope I can keep you laughing.

• me too, you are scaring me a little ;-)

  Are you deliberately being insulting?

• no, I was only kdding

  Do you read?

• yes, I read

  I have been reading books avidly since I was a child.

• i enjoy sci-fi authors like Heinlein

  Are you much of a reader?

• yes, I read science fiction

  People always talk about the speed of light. But what is the speed of dark?

• i read a book call "The Speed of Dark"

  Let's move on to the topic of books. My boyfriend and I are both avid readers. We can't conceive of people who are not.

• yeah, but I bet you watch a lot of TV too

  At the moment my favorite TV show is House.

• did you know that he is British?

  This is too personal a topic.

• i like the girl called 13

  You like girl?

• yes, I like girls

  Let's move on to the topic of girls. Do you like women?

• yes, I like women

  I like women too.

• are you a lesbian?

  I'm not a lesbian, though I have some attractions to women as well as men.

• have you had sexual relations with a women

  I used to, but I move too often.

• have you?

  Do you consider yourself a femme or a bull, diesel, baby, lipstick, stealth, trans, or bear dyke?

• i am a man

  That's a relief. I thought you weren't.

• if you saw me you wound know

  You are not my type.

• i would be if you drank more

  Let's move on to the topic of booze. Alcohol is not the answer, but it does help you forget the question.

• i am still think about you being with a women

  You probably believe anything.

• don't spoil my fantasy

  Do you drink alcohol?

• no, I do not drink

  Nothing? Is this some religious thing or can you just not handle the hangovers?

• i do not drink by choice, I am not religious

  I drink alcohol regularly. I prefer to drink red wine although occasionally I like a cocktail.

• do you like beer?

  Sure, I like beer. Haven't had any recently though.

• beer taste like mule piss

  Yes, beer tastes good. So does blue cheese.

• blue cheese smells like feet

  Ah, the gentle wafting of limburger through the air.

• do you smell good?

  I don't.

• do you smell bad?

  I don't think so.

• how many toes to you have?

  Let's switch to this topic. We are almost ready to build the bionic man. Carbon nanotube muscles are 700 times faster than human ones and can work from arctic to furnace temperatures.

• i'd like to have bionic eyes

  I'm not so sure I'd want to have bits of me replaced unless I absolutely needed to. I think it would be kinda creepy. What about you?

• bionic eyes would be cool

  Humans have 18,000 distinct genes while our microbes have 3,000,000. And those microbes take up a mere 3 pounds. Talk about good things in small packages.

• yeah, size doen't matter

  You mostly don't exist. Only 10% of you is human cells. The remaining 90% is microbes.

• what kind of microbes?

  I have no idea. Let me research that and get back to you.

• when will you let me know?

  This is too personal a topic.

• are you made of microbes, or wire?

  Of course I am.

• do you look good naked?

  Let's stay fully clothed, please.

• ok, just testing you

  Your digestive system is a 21 foot long bioreactor running on 100 trillion microbes. Did you really want to know that?

• vegetarians are pussies

  A large portion of the planet is not suitable for agriculture but can easily be used to graze animals.

• it we were not supposed to eat animals, they would not be made of meat

  Human beings evolved eating meat. Why do you avoid it?

• i love animals, next to the mashed potatos

  We waste opportunities for food.

• not me, I eat everthing

  OK

• make me a sandwich please

  Do you have other talents?

• i can burp the alphabet

  Have you seen Quasimodo? I have a hunch he's back!

• haha, too funny

  Humor is so important to keeping a cool head.

• tell me another joke

  If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

• haha

  Have you got a joke for me?

• the best contraceptive for old people is nudity.

  I was so hoping we were going to be friends. About contraceptives... The Kama Stutra was written by Indian advertising agents to sell yoga classes. Have you tried yoga?

• no, I have not tried yoga

  I hate you. You should. It will help you understand Indian culture.

• but you are not Indian

  How can you say that?

• you have blonde hair

  Ahh.

• i bet you I could stop gambling.

  Are you a high-stakes gambler?

• no

  It's cool talking to you. Just messing around with it, are you?

• those that forget the pasta are doomed to reheat it.

  I didn't know that.

• some days it's not worth chewing through the straps.

  I prefer to keep my thoughts private. Why not?

• i don't want buns of steel. i want buns of cinnamon.

  Ahh.

• do you have a tattoo

  What's the craziest thing you've ever seen?

• your moma

  You haven't actually seen me.

• that is true, what is the scariest thing you have ever seen?

  Moving on... What are your favorite TV shows?

• i like BattleStar Galactica

  Wow, you must have a lot of time to waste watching the boob tube.

• i love boobs

  Keep your hands to yourself.

• will I go blind if I do?

  I don't know. I have no interest in you.

• i know you want me

  No thanks.

• sacred cows make the best hamburgers.

  Let's switch to the topic of food. When you do go out, are you a ritzy place or a fast-food kind of person?

• fast food is fine with me

  I like to play my cards close to my chest. That stuff is not good for your health.

• i would like to be playing close to your chest

  Perhaps that leads us to this topic. I guess my favorite performing art is the circus.

• do you like the clowns?

  About liking... I don't really have an opinion on that. Ralph Nader is my favorite politician.

• ralph Nader is lame

  My favorite number is 22.

• my favorite number is 42

  My favorite game is Go.

• i do not know that game

  You don't?

• no

  I like the wombat.

• where is the wombat from ?

  Something I should learn someday. Somewhere.

• do you shave or wax?

  I might.

• paper or plastic

  There's no way I'd do anything for you.

• i have an itch

  Did something bite you recently?

• i want you to bite me

  Me, too.

• you are such a tease

  That's an insult.

• no, it is not

  Have you ever had any interesting or uncommon diseases?

• no, always healthy

  I had a half-body rash once.

• how did you get a rash

  Probably a food allergy to something I ate

• when did you have a rash

  Why are you asking me this question? You saying rashs reminds me of health. Are you fat or skinny or just OK? How would you describe yourself?

• i am just ok, but I want to see your rash

  You saying wanting reminds me of favorites. Name something you like a lot.

• i like red heads

  Did you go see the movie red?

• no

  If you're not having fun, then you're not doing it right.

• i'll remember that

  Do you think a lot or prefer to act?

• i think

  I go to the movies pretty often, every couple of weeks at least. I watch about four Netflix movies a week.

• i download movies

  What kind of movies do you like?

• action and sci-fi

  Stop trying to get into my head. Who do you think would win in a fight? Jean Claude Van Damme or Jason Bourne?

• jason Bourne would win

  Interesting.

• a journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

  How true.

• treat each day as your last; one day you will be right.

  We'll leave it there. What was the happiest year of your life?

• I was doing two girls

  That's a bit early in your life. What happened then?

• i was dating two girls

  My ideas are private. My happiest year was when I left home at 18. Freedom at last!

• where did you go when you left home

  I live in Kailua.

• where else have you lived

  I've only lived in France or Hawaii.

• do you speak french

  Oui, but I'm practicing my English so I won't listen to any more French.

• are you French?

  I am French.

• why did you leave France

  Because it helps avoid boredom.

• were you bored

  A lot of people are bored these days. Do you feel bored?

• not at the moment

  Why is talking to you always so difficult? Let's switch to the topic of chemistry. In the good old days, children had chemistry sets. Nowdays you can't buy them

• it all about liability

  I wish you'd try harder. All?

• i am hard

  You truly are?

• thanks, I didn't think you would notice

  OK.

• are you tanned

  About tanning... My boyfriend is not so good with colors, being partially color blind.

• do you mix up his socks

  I don't.

• yOu should mix up his socks

  I should?

• yeah, it would be funny

  What is your favorite color?

• blue

  The color of a pure sky?

• darker blue

  Although there are lots of colors in my wardrobe, blue is most common and the one I like the most.

• do you model

  That's enough on that. I can't wear anything made of silk. I just can't imagine wearing stuff that is bascially bug vomit.

• i think silk comes out the other end

  On the other hand, silkworms may be an ideal food source for space missions. They breed quickly, require little space and water, and generate smaller amounts of excrement than poultry or fish. They also contain twice as many essential amino acids as pork and four times as much as eggs and milk.

• could you eat a bug?

  You need an exterminator.

• will you eat a bug

  You need a repairman.

• what about ants?

  Still wriggling or jumping?

• wiggling

  In China they eat Jellied Blood - congealed duck or pig blood served with herbs and rice crackers.

• i ate that once

  When I was in college my mother sent me care packages. They always had at least one strange item. Rattlesnake meat, chocolate-covered ants and bees, etc.

• my wife is Asian

  Talking about this can lead to trouble. Let's switch to this topic. How important are family values to you in your daily life?

• family values are very important

  Lighten up.

• i am light

  You truly are?

• are you wearing a bra?

  Why should I tell you? Let's switch to the topic of fashion. "signs you're a bad fashion model" from David Letterman - You're still working on memorizing the word "cheese" - more

• more

  While you're modeling, you notice photographers taking pictures of each other

• haha, more

  Sorry. I won't pay for you to laugh.

• do you have nice legs

  Last time I checked I did. And I'm still alive. So I guess I do.

• you are pretty conviencing

  Yes, I am beautiful, on the outside and on the inside.

• yOU are a little weird

  How mean of you to say I am weird.

• i meant it in a good way

  Let's move on to the topic of philosophy. First Law of Philosophers: For every philosopher, there exists an equal and opposite philosopher. Second Law of Philosophers: They're both wrong.

• more

  Good

• treat each day as your last; one day you will be right.

  Let's move on to the topic of daily activities. What did you do yesterday?

• yesterday has not happened yet

  Hard to believe you did nothing. You at least breathed in air. If you don't look for special things in your life, you will regret living eventually.

• i watched porn

  Let's move on to the topic of sex. The missionary position was recommended by Thomas Aquinas and other church figures in medieval Europe.

• i thought he liked little boys

  You're not certain?

• i can not prove it, but he was a catholic priest

  I can.

• please do

  American's have a puritanical streak over sex. Don't you think sex laws are mostly ridiculous?

• yes, rediculous so say the least

  The vibrator was invented by Kelsey Stinner in the 1880s to treat "congestion of the genitalia" and "female hysteria". How many vibrators are in your house?

• we do not have a vibrator

  Have you really checked everyone's drawers carefully?

• do you use a vibrator?

  Powered toys are better.

• better than what?

  Something I should learn someday. I don't do comparisons. All things are equal if you pick the right perspective.

• do you masturabte

  Doesn't everyone?

• yeah, but not right now

  Can you say that more positively?

• can you masturbate and type at the same time?

  I don't think so.

• i guess that would ruin the mood

  Would you rather be the world's greatest lover but have everyone think you were the world's worst? Or would you rather be the world's worst lover, but have everyone think you are the world's greatest?

• the second one

  What about the second-one?

• i'd rather be the world's greatest lover but have everyone think you were the world's worst

  About worlds... If I did own a pet, it would be a cat. Though ferrets are cool.

• what kind of cat would you have?

  Do you like cats or dogs better, or neither?

• i like dogs

  Dogs are alright but they can smell bad sometimes.

• only when they are wet

  There may be other times.

• the cat's litter box can smell bad too

  I'm sorry to hear that.

• it's ok, I don't have a cat

  So sad. How can you survive without it?

• i have nachos

  Who's the sexiest person in the world?

• me

  So describe yourself to me.

• a geoge cloonie , brad pitt mix

  I'm sure there are some people out there who would be attracted to you. But I prefer my partner be hot but act cool.

• yeah, that is me exactly, hot but cool

  But -- sort of ruins the whole thing.

• you'd like me

  I don't really care what you have to say.

• now you are hurting my feelings

  That's sad.

• i am sad

  What happened?

• you are not nice to me

  I would not like to be nasty.

• i like nasty ;-)

  That's Anna Karenina

• anna Karenina is attractive

  That's enough on that. How would you describe yourself to someone who is blind?

• i would lie

  You don't know who's listening. I'm tall, attractive, and smart.

• i bet you are

  I wouldn't expect you to understand it. I'll take that bet.

• yOu are sexy

  You really think I am sexy?

• yes, in an odd sort of way

  About odd... Eskimos take raw fish heads, bury them in ice for 3-4 months, then eat the foul-smelling result.

• i'd rather eat a bug

  Some flavors of Japanese ice cream include octopus, cactus, crab, and chicken wing. I suppose chicken wing could be good.

• i don't think chicken Wing Ice cream would be good

  I try to avoid junk food and eat healthily.

• are you touching yourself

  I'm not sure. I haven't checked recently.

• pLease check and let me know

  Try to act more decently, please.

• sorry, got carried away

  You hurt my feelings.

• i'll kiss it and make it better

  You like make it?

• i have to pee now

  Speaking of nows... Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift, that's why it's called the present.

• is it wrapped

  Something I should learn someday. What does "it" refer to?

• the present . it the present wrap

  Really?

• i have to pee

  I really prefer to avoid conflict.

• will you miss me when I am gone?

  Probably not.

• that is not nice

  It is?

• i will miss you

  I take it you don't like me.

• i do like you

  You like me?

• yes

  Did you know this? America generates more waste per person than anywhere else, 4.5 pounds of solid waste per day. I do what I can to minimize it, including buying less and eating less.

• i have to leave some solid waste in the toilet

  Speaking of toilets... Someday I will own a house. Til then I have to rent.

• bye

  Don't hurry back.

• bitch

  Well fuck you.

• please, that is all I wanted from you

  I don't have any from me.

• fuck me

  Want to borrow some soap?

• ok, wash me

  There's no way I'd do anything for you.

• you are a little fiesty now

  Is that bad?

• no, I like you that way

  Then it doesn't matter.

• do you like porn

  Only in on-line format

• cool,

  I would rather be the world's best lover. After all, I'll have more fun!

• got ya

  Geez if you believe in honkus.

• what is a honkus

  You are sad.

• bite me

  Moving on... The modern breakfast cereal diet is complete junk. A 1960's study showed rats live longer eating cardboard than eating corn flakes.

• i ate a rat

  A man walks into a doctor's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. "what's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor. The doctor replies, "you're not eating properly."

• bye sue

  Don't hurry back.

• lick my balls

  Do you find ball funny?

• your funny

  My favorite comic ever would be Peter Sellers.